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Archives for : November2004

It’s just a dream

Harley had a dream the other night.. he hasn’t told me about it yet.. but he’s told others about it.. and it sorta hurt my feelings really bad.. He dreamed that I told him I didn’t want him anymore.. and that I put him in a trash can and with my BIG hands held the lid on him… How horrible is that? He must be feeling something in order to have a dream of that nature.. I know I don’t get to spend as much time with him like I used to.. when he wasn’t in school all day.. and I’m not there at night to do the mommy things.. but.. I would never want to throw him away.. or not want him.. Everyone he told about the dream tried to talk to him about it.. let him know that I loved him and stuff.. and he says “I know.. it’s just a dream” but does he really? Does he know he’s the most important thing in my entire life.. that nothing else matters to me as much as his happiness.. and wellbeing.. that I would walk to the ends of the earth.. just to walk back.. if he needed me to? that sometimes just running my hands through his hair while he’s sleeping is enough to make me cry.. make me want to squeeze him tight and wake him up just to spend 5 minutes with him.. that his mind is the most amazing mind I’ve ever had the privaledge of knowing.. and that he’s the best thing that’s come on earth since sporks… His bright blue eyes are so loving and honest and sincere.. it tears my heart into to ever think that any anxiety or pain that he must endure would be because of me.. or because of thoughts of me.. I am a horrible mother..

Loveyabye