Archives for : April2005

To: The Two of You

There are days where your uncaring nature and hatred towards me doesn’t bother me a bit. Like on Mondays when I get to see Harley after school.. when he tells me about his busy day.. and I get to enjoy childhood again through his eyes. On Tuesdays when I’m starting my week at work.. and having to hold my head high around people who think I shouldn’t be, people who think I’ve failed.. when in fact I have not. On Wednesdays when I get to sleep in.. and dream about all the dreams that I’ve had that have come true, no matter that I’ve lost a few.. or changed some.. the dreams are still sweet. Thursdays when sometimes I get paid, or I know I only have to go on pretending I’m fine with my job for 2 more days. Fridays the last day I have to be adult of the week.. on those days I know I will be with Harley again when the sun rises.. I can bake cookies.. I can watch cartoons…. and that gets me through the night… and then On Saturdays.. we do those things.. so those days you are the farthest from my mind… Sundays, usually, Harley goes to dad’s.. to get ready for his busy week again.. I’m sitting here alone once more.. thinking about all the time’s I’ve wished for a normal life… Not that anyone could pinpoint what normal is.. but.. YOU both know what I mean. and then.. at those times.. I hurt.. I hurt to the point that I tell myself.. I don’t care.. I’m not going to let the two of you do me this way again.. and I do.. whenever you call.. whenever you need something.. I always drop whatever it is I’m doing and come straight there.. Or I take whatever kind of attention I might recieve from you and hold on to that til the next time you you hurt me… Both of you.. were the only things I had ever wanted.. I realize It’s my turn for being the outcast.. but I’m not taking my turn.. I’m not willing to be what you all want me to be.. I’m not willing to let you hurt me anymore.. and if Sundays are the only day I have to worry about that.. then I’ll find something to keep my mind busy and free from your memories… because.. as far as I’m concerned.. that’s what you are.. two memories.. I’d rather forget…

*0o0o0o* loveyabye