Archives for : June2005

Don’t talk to me

Don’t talk to me here.. don’t talk to me there.. do not talk to me… anywhere

Lost Sappho love poem published after 2,600 years;_ylt=Anh4ufsMQ0lLmi7e9kiu2QXtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl

Different Game Same Rules

I just saw an episode of COPS (My favorite show) that had a prositute who was having sex for this guy for 20 dollars.. the guy didn’t pay her instead had sex with her and then began to beat her up. She explained to the cops that she was homeless and she wanted her 20 dollars.. When the cops told her she wasn’t going to get her money… the look on her face reminded me of the feeling I had when I was robbed… Not robbed in the sense that someone took anything of monetary value from me.. but something of value.. that you can’t replace… I can imagine that she valued her goods.. and that she sold them in order to survive.. Of course you may say.. “get a job” and “Yeah she wanted to buy crack” Of course those may be good arguments… My history.. and experience.. for that split second.. I know how she felt.. Nothing good came from my attacks.. except maybe empathy.. for others.. I hadn’t asked for anything but to be able to keep my valued possession.. and not have to live with this dirty feeling the rest of my life…. All she wanted was 20 bucks.. to either eat with, or to get high with… either way.. We both got screwed…


Unconditional on one condition

Curly brown hair.. pretty blue eyes… crinkled up nose.. memories remembered.. that are quite different from reality..You remember smiles and laughter.. I remember fear and pain…You say you were there.. I recall needing you.. your hate for me fills up your time.. with thought out plans.. on again off again… you open a door that I need to keep closed… to live.. to thrive.. to survive.. You play the game well.. but you forget.. I learned from the best.. I know how to stop you at your own game.. I’ll not roll the dice.. I don’t gamble on life.. I need to fill your spot.. but you are the only one who will fit… like a square peg in a round hole… I cry for you still… just like when life was suppossed to be innocent… Only opposite.. where I was once an adult trapped in a child’s body.. I’m now a child trapped in an adult’s body… My inner peace will never rest… My outer appearance reminds me everyday.. of you… of your pain.. of the pain you willed to me.. in my heart you are dead… in my life you must be… you may live on.. but I can’t live on with you…. or without you… I hate you for allowing me to hate you… I hate you for not allowing me to let you go.. Stop torturing me.. I’ve suffered because of you enough.. let me live Mom…

Just let me live