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You know those lighters you get for free when you buy a carton of cigarettes? The first time you use it you are like “aww baby.. you light so good for me. I’ve been waiting for a little flame like you. How have I survived in this world without you in it I don’t know but I’m glad to have you here now.” You carry on with your life.. you and your lighter.. You all go everywhere together. You caress the wheel and he brings you warmth. Every day making you red hot with just one touch of it’s flame.

Then one day you realize you have just lit the last fire you’ll ever light with this free carton lighter. The last cup of coffee you’ll have with your best friend. You reminice all of the good times you’ve had together. That time you went downtown and was the only one outside with a light. Or that time you had to light the kerosene heater cause the power was out so you cuddled together in the warmth and imagined images in the flickers. Or how about that time you all had a candle lit dinner together the weekend before valentines, the one you didn’t nescessarily overexert yourself cooking but planned it all out with every inch, ounce, being of your soul. That time you thought it was completely over until you asked so n so if they had your lighter and there he was tucked safely out of view… You thought it was over then… but now it’s reality… Your beloved free carton lighter has lit the last flame he’ll ever light for you… and as you purchase that carton of cigs and you see that perfect gleem underneath your reciept you toss the once perfect for you never be without you lighter into the trash and start brand new memories with a new flame.

That’s what I feel like…

Disposable…

Like I’m out of fluid and ready to be thrown in the trash for something new.
Like I’ve burned all that I can and my light has gone out. I don’t feel special like I was when I was full. I feel as if I could be replaced.

And even tho I know I’m unique. I’m irreplacable. I’m KimberlyLaine…

I’m still not the person someone else just couldn’t live without…

*loveyabye*

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Comments (2)

  1. Anonymous

    I love your analogy. The trick is to find the magic lighter that feeds on it’s self and has an eternal flame. Easier said then done though ain’t it. It’s like if you’re broke, the trick is to pick the winning lottery numbers … but … “somebody’s gonna win, it might as well be you!” Of course they also say “you can’t win if you don’t play“. 8o)

  2. Exactly! lol..It doesn’t help tho.. when you are down to your last 2 dollars and you say to yourself.. “What the hell.. what can I buy with 2 bucks?” and you throw it down on the counter just so’s you don’t have to carry it around anymore.. and you end up scratching off 50 bucks…

    I did that once… LOL..

    Now when I’m broke.. I get that feelin.. well it happened one time.. and then as I’m scratchin that stupid thing off I think.. man I shoulda bought a coke..

    *loveyabye*

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