What I couldn’t say

Well, I didn’t mean to get into stuff either. Even tho if we don’t talk about it, then it’s an elephant sitting in the room. Yanno? What I really meant was.. You don’t care about me period. At all. Cause I’m still confused on what really happened. I’m not like her. I can’t ‘move on if we just don’t talk about it ever again’ because I sit here and try to figure out what I did in order to stop from doing it again. It’s like first I got ‘mad’ too often. Then I blew up every 6 months, then I was depressed. I have been left alone for 3 years basically with just Mamaw to talk to. You would call and talk or text but it always seemed like when I got ready to tell you what we had been doing you had to go. Then out of the blue, while I was trying to understand why Elaine was blaming ME for the condition Mamaw was in, after what I had just been through and what I was currently going through and because I wasn’t taking her shit any more (and you can CCP that shit to the both of them cause I don’t GAF) she gets mad and punishes me and my Grandmother which would NOT have happened had I been there and I had no choice in the matter. But then you go from telling me how she is and this n that and you just jump ship and out of nowhere act like I was trying to do something to my Mamaw? I just wanted to be able to talk to her Tiffany. I wanted what was best for her too. She would have died before she would have went with Mom an you know that. I don’t know what I did to you. I can’t have anymore ‘mystery’ in my life. I try to change and please everyone and that’s what I decided when Elaine and her snotty ass tried to make ME feel like I was responsible when I couldn’t do any more than you could. I called everyone that I could get a hold of but if I had done what she “told” me to? I would be in jail for kidnapping and that’s fact. Past past. But I didn’t do anything period. All I did was tell her I had called who I could call, I got someone to take her groceries from 18 hours away and she didn’t like someone standing up and not bowing down to her and I understand if you needed money but even to this day I never said anything about you telling me anything (that I can recall) and I took whatever heat there was. You left me. If you want to talk and there not be tension you need to honest to God 1. Tell me if I am someone you give a shit about and 2. What did I do? What the fuck happened? I would talk about buying MJ things and you would brush them off, then I saw you had a crib somewhere? I wanted to be there. I couldn’t. I wanted to send something so I was there somehow. I couldn’t. You didn’t tell me until the day he was born. I feel like I was robbed of you and him for an entire year. For what? Then I can’t get simple answers? I’m not being angry. I’m not wanting to upset you. I don’t want to even show this to you because, like before, everyone gets to see it and nothing

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